• Eddie Gilman

Fear or Love | We Choose

There is one brutal truth about life that we can all count on:

You will desire love, you will seek love, you will find it, and you will lose it.

This will happen (for some) in one way, and for others, another way. It may be the loss of a "first love", such as a High School sweet heart. Or, the loss of a marriage by way of divorce. Or, the death of someone you loved. It can also come in the form of protecting oneself due to an abusive relationship. Where, in the beginning, a person falls in love with the portrayal of the other person, only to discover a more sinister side exists. No matter what recipe is introduced, we are all set to experience the loss of love at least once in our lifetime.

Fear And Love

The opposite of love is fear. There is no fear in true love. And true love is always free. Fear is the amount of distance we put between true love and ourselves. Fear is our best attempts to manipulate the freedom of love, to be a chained slave to ourselves. Our greatest fears are the fear(s) of not being good enough, and the fear of losing, or not being loved.

Sadly, the amount at which we experience either of those two primary fears, dramatically affects our ability to cut ties with them. Our brains are wired in such a way, that the more we experience something over and over again, we create a belief. In other words, if we are not fighting for a positive mindset and/or perspective, our mind will create one for us. This is living in reaction, and not living in decision. Because no matter what has happened to a person in life, there is always choice. Many men and women throughout history, have overcome great adversity. The men and women we hear about most, are the rare few that chose to define their hurdles as something else. We can do the same thing when it comes to the war between fear and love. Any muscle you don't use is weak. So, it won't feel easy to do at first. But in order to acquire love, you have to fight the fear preventing you from having it. The only other option is to go through the anxious, heart wrenching, stomach churning sickness of fearful love attempts. Where you will inevitably spend more time doubting, hurting, frustrated, fighting, arguing and not being (or feeling) yourself.

Law Of Attraction

Another interesting phenomenon in life is The Law of Attraction. Where like attracts like, and what is within us calls out like a beacon, for something similar. Similar in energy, in attitude, in character, in fullness of life, in numbness, in brokenness, in emptiness, in passion etc etc...

This law is most commonly recognized in life, when we seem to draw the same sorts of people into our love lives. Maybe you have had this anomaly happen in your life, and found yourself saying:

"Why do I always end up with... (insert your description)."

"Why do all guys (or girls) keep doing this in my life?"

"Why do all of my relationships keep having the same problem?"

Ironically enough, the average person will always assume that the issue is present do to the other person. Or, at the very least, some external device that is out of their control. Most people do not want to consider the source of their problems as being themselves. This is an undeveloped mindset. And we all have had that belief at some point in life; unfortunately - many people still carry that mindset. The source of the problem begins with us first. It always does!

Now you might think something like: "I would never treat someone the way I was treated." And that may be true, but you tolerated it - if even for a while. And it may simply be that you attracted someone who treats others poorly, because of their own lack of self-esteem or identity. And because they tolerate that standard of life, they were drawn to you, because you tolerate the same low standard of life, even if your outward response to it is different than theirs. So it may very well be true; you do not treat others the way they do. But if you could see inside of yourself, and inside of them, you may be surprised at how similar those parts of you are. There is never an excuse for poor behavior, or treating others poorly. But often times, we misdiagnose problems based off of outward behavior, circumstances, symptoms and outcomes. When the real issue is there are undeveloped parts of our being - spiritual, emotional, physical, intellectual - that need growth.

You will always attract the strongest form of positive or negative energy, that fills your heart and soul. If you are attracting pain, brokenness, abuse, hurt, or other negative things, it does not mean you are a negative or bad person. It just means there is more fear in the deepest part of you, than there is love. I am NOT saying you don't have love, give love, or want love. You have just experienced life. And with life, comes tragedy, pain and heartache. The loss of love being a part of that experience.

The Cure

Unfortunately, there is not a universal resolution to this type of problem. Because we are all different. We experience life differently, and need to work through those experiences, using our understanding of our would. But other people's experiences can lend us the knowledge, tools, understanding, advice and pathways that can lead us to our cure. And that journey begins with self-assessing. It is in identifying all of the fear within us that prevents us from:

Giving Love

Receiving Love

Being Ourselves

Pursuing Our Dreams

Living Productively

Stop Procrastinating

Letting Go Of The Past

Moving On

Staying, When We Should Be Going




Being Healthy

Being Prosperous

These are just a few things fear prevents us from experiencing or acquiring.

The Illusion

One hypnotic effect of fear, is that most of it is not even rational or real in a lot of cases. And of course, at other times it is rational and real. And it is important to know the difference. It is also important to be conscious of living in a current state of fear, that was perpetuated by a past experience. That type of fearful living is the most common. In extreme cases, this could become PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). A powerful traumatic event leaves such an imprint of fear inside of us, that our mind becomes certain that it will happen again. That there is no hope for safety, or another outcome. Fear has a way of casting illusions that are backed by powerful emotions. It feels real, so therefor we accept it as such.

Getting out of the illusion, and giving ourselves permission to clean the slate, is the beginning of empowering ourselves. And that requires that we approach fear from many different angles. We need to be able to look at it objectively, and with a sober mind. Why do I feel this way? What is the cause? And if I know the cause, is that still something that is present in my current life? Or is it in the past? Is it that I am just worrying about a recurrence of that, or something similar (or worse)? What we focus on, is what we empower. If we ask a different question - a better question - we will get better answers. Like, what else could this mean? What can I really do instead? What if this is all in my head? What have I learned from my past experiences, that I can use to take a safe step back into love. Unafraid!

Love Comes Walking In

Love becomes the result of a "self" made whole. It is the fearless understanding, giving, and contribution to ourselves - first and foremost!

You can't give away what you do not have. That is why loving yourself means developing wholeness in emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical growth. It is letting go of a low standard of living, and a refusal to tolerate anything less than what you know is possible. When we drown the fires of fear with the waters of love, and intentionally fortify and grow the areas inside of ourselves, that fear was leeching onto - then we will be in the ultimate position to love and be loved. As well as attract the love we most desire, by giving off the positive energy that will call love back to us.

Love is owning yourself. There is no victimization, no blaming, no excuses for a low quality/standard of life, because you know that you can control you. And even when external circumstances crash into your life, you can still control how you respond to them. It is the mindset shift that looks for the empowering meaning in all areas of life, including painful and tragic ones. But ultimately, love is about giving and contributing. It is about becoming so full of life yourself, that it can only pour out of you.

So imagine that level of love, with someone else who gives as much back to you. Then imagine those two people, giving out to the world around them. The reason why love can be unstoppable, is because people become limitless in their capabilities when they live apart from fear. Because love is the exact opposite of it. If you want love, you have to make a choice right now to never tolerate being a prisoner to fear. Ever again! No matter what happens! And accept that you will control the shape of your life and destiny, not fear inducing circumstances. Living out of love gives you the power to say "no", to set boundaries, to walk away when necessary, to abstain from medicating on mind numbing emptiness etc. And all the while, it has the power to keep giving wherever possible. Because living out of love is in essence saying: "I am going to be light, life, love, and hope. And I am not going to allow anything to knock me off center. Or shut off the love I give myself, and the love I give to others, and the world around me."

If it was easy, everybody would be doing it. And if it was easy, it wouldn't be valuable. The quality and fulfillment of life that people truly seek, is ultimately determined by how the Love / Fear war plays out.

What will you choose?

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