• Eddie Gilman

Deny Yourself

Deny Yourself

“Self” is a viciously hungry monster that is never satisfied no matter how much or what you feed it. It thrives off dissatisfaction. Its deceptive voice whispers “more…more…more…you must have more!” It encourages us to rationalize our own value as more important than others. It tells us that happiness, love, and satisfaction can only be obtained by maintaining a focus on “self”. And the moment we shift that focus to anything or anyone else, we will lose all that we think we have gained. “Self” tells us that something is only as valuable as its ability to appease, satisfy, create, produce, give, provide - or cultivate happiness, pleasure, passion, success, acceptance, fame, fortune – you name it. When the person, object, career, hobby, ministry, or relationship ceases in its ability to feed “self”, it becomes worthless. Because “self” says there is something else or someone else that will.

“Self” is independent. It tells us that if we don’t handle life, it won’t get handled. If we don’t do it ourselves, it won’t get done. If we leave anything in the hands of another, we are foolishly setting ourselves up for disappointment and failure. So why subject ourselves to something we know someone does not have the power or ability to provide in the manner we need? “Self” makes no commitments or guarantees. It reserves the right to make promises that it has no intention of keeping, because at its very core, “self” is entirely selfish. It has no value for keeping the interests of others, or holding credibility in the eyes of others. It does not care about integrity, honor, character, or the opinions of others. It twists and manipulates anything and anyone to bring about its own desire and agenda. Its agenda is in essence survival of the fittest – only the strong survive. It has no pity, and is void of sympathy, but will seek both as fuel for itself when necessary. For self-preservation is most important. “Self” is always most important. Valuing others is an illusion put over their eyes, while “self” builds a bridge in the background, to underhandedly plunder, ravage, and escape without incident. “Self” scoffs at vulnerability. Vulnerability is a magic trick used to convince someone else to let their walls down, so selfishness can pillage and feast. And if “self” is caught in the act, it washes its hands clean and walks away as if nothing ever happened. Because dwelling on anything other than “self” is dis-empowering, weak, and working backwards.

“Self” promotes itself. It is always the best candidate, and always right. “Self” doesn’t give apologies, because apologies are withdrawals from its account. Apologies should only be used as weapons for “self” gain. Because “self” is the greatest conspire and con-artist. It looks for ways to use, manipulate, convince, and persuade others to feed into its never ending void. “Self” uses fear as a defense to protect itself from “selflessness”. “Self” will do everything in its power to survive. “Self” fears awareness, as awareness opens pathways for options that are not “self” focused. “Self” contaminates the very essence of our God created design. It is the war in us to become our own god(s). To isolate ourselves from our creator and the community for which we were created to inhabit and contribute to. “Self” always sets itself up as a king or queen, happy to live in the comfort of mediocrity and convenience. Happy to live life in the luxury of the palace called “self-gratification”. “Self” spares itself no expense at any cost, except the expense of “self” itself.

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